Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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