Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
