so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
People in love make me want to vomit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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