there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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