Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
