Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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