I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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