She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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