My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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