I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
