So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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