Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
