I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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