I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
tell me about the eggs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
