Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
