Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
