you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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