Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
