my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
