I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
