Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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