im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
