One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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