Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
