I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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