Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
