birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
