This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
