having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
