He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
