I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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