i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
