yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
