every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
