Your dad touched me again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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