This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
