I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
