when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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