"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
