I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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