woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
