this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
