He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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