I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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