Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
