well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
