I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
