Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
