I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
