I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
