I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
