Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
